Universal Announces Remake of ’80s Rock Band “The Police”

(LHN) Fans reacted with a mixture of excitement and misgivings to Universal Music Group’s announcement this week of a remake of the 1980s rock group The Police.

“As someone who grew up listening to The Police, I am personally excited to be part of this relaunch,” exclaimed Aaron Bay-Schuck, president of the Interscope Geffen A&M Records (IGA). “We’ll bring back the trademark reggae beats and tight trio-playing that we’ve all grown to know and love, but with a fresh 21st-century twist.”

Social media has been abuzz with rumors about who will be in the new line-up, particularly as the obnoxiously douchey yet lovable “Sting”, originally portrayed by the British lute player Gordon Sumner. Even though the IGA record label has been tight-lipped about their scouting process, one name that has been recently floated in public is Justin Bieber — prompting a fierce backlash from fans who promptly coined the hashtag #NotMySting.

“We are outraged that IGA might even be considering Justin Bieber to fill these enormous shoes,” said Steve White, chair of the Police Federation of England and Wales. “Any number of young, charismatic musicians could be Sting, and pretty much anyone would make a better one than Bieber.”

Neither confirming nor denying the rumor, Mr. Bay-Shuck acknowledged that the choice will be difficult. “It’s a tough balancing act: we want to retain the heart and soul of the original Police franchise, even as we introduce it to a whole new generation music lovers. But I think we can pull this off, and we’re making sure there’s something in there for everyone!”

[Related article: Michael Haneke to Direct Reboot of “Home Alone”]

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